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Finding out your spouse or partner has been unfaithful to you is one of the worst possible experiences you can have. It can feel like a punch to the gut that turns into an ache that never quite stops. Your whole world changes when you find out you have been cheated on and betrayed by someone you love—and thought you knew. Discovering infidelity is a traumatic experience.
The days, weeks, and years that follow finding out you have been cheated on can be lonely, rage-fueled, and make you question yourself, your partner, and everything you once knew. If you have experienced infidelity trauma, you may have post-infidelity stress disorder, an anxiety disorder that resembles post-traumatic stress disorder.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) vs. Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD)
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) differs from post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD) because it results from any type of traumatic event, such as child abuse, a car accident, or sexual assault.
In contrast, PISD is a type of anxiety disorder that results from being cheated on in a romantic relationship.
However, both disorders share some similarities, such as heightened anxiety, social withdrawal, and flashbacks of the trauma.
Symptoms of Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD)
● Rumination – When you have PISD, it’s difficult to stop mentally replaying and re-experiencing the trauma. The images of your partner’s infidelity may repeatedly play in your mind, and you may be unable to shut it off.
● Intrusive thoughts – With PISD, you may have unpleasant thoughts that show up unexpectedly throughout the day, such as memories of when you first found out your partner was cheating.
● Rage – After experiencing a betrayal, it’s common to be filled with rage towards the person who cheated on you. You may also be angry at life or at yourself for not noticing signs that your partner was cheating on you.
● Trust issues – Feeling betrayed can lead you to have paranoia and trust issues. These trust issues can affect the current relationship if you decide to stay with the person who cheated, but they can also persist into future romantic relationships.
● Feeling unsafe – For many people in serious relationships or marriages, home is not a house, but it is a person. If that person was home to you and then they cheated on you, you may begin to feel unsafe and have trouble finding comfort.
● Helplessness and defeat – Infidelity trauma can lead you to feel helpless. Especially when you feel you have made a lot of sacrifices for the other person, and gave the relationship your all.
● Feeling detached, depressed, or emotionally numb – A common response to betrayal and infidelity trauma is to feel emotionally numb. Some people may feel immense sadness, while others may experience numbness or loss of interest in things they previously enjoyed.
● Difficulty making decisions – A side effect of experiencing any trauma is difficulty making decisions. When the type of trauma you experienced was your partner being unfaithful, you may struggle with any kind of decision, but especially whether to stay in the relationship or not.
● Lack of focus – After experiencing a betrayal, it can be challenging to focus on even the smallest tasks. This can be a result of feeling depressed or because the thoughts of your partner’s infidelity keep replaying in your mind.
● Low self-esteem – One of the results of betrayal trauma is feeling defective, not lovable, or unattractive.
Other symptoms that accompany PISD are revenge fantasies of getting back at your partner, difficulty sleeping or eating, or feeling like you are going crazy.
How to Cope With PISD
If you have been betrayed in a relationship, your self-image, as well as your feelings, has probably taken a hit. During the trauma, you may have absorbed negative ideas about yourself due to a partner’s behavior or from self-blame for what went wrong. Now is the time to step back from all that and start restoring your sense of self-worth.
To cope with PISD, you need to first determine what type of coping mechanisms work best for you. Although everyone copes differently, the following can serve as a starting point for helping you work through your trauma.
1. Self-Care: This means taking pleasurable, positive steps to restore your mind, body, and soul. Make it a priority to improve your physical health, get out and do some fun things with friends, and rediscover your own talents and goodness as an individual.
2. Journaling: Keeping a journal during this time of recovery can be a healing activity. Every day or so, jot down the thoughts and feelings that bother or puzzle you. Before long, you will discover a new perspective on yourself and the problematic relationship; this will help rebuild your self-confidence and guide your recovery.
3. Exercise: Science has clearly demonstrated that physical activity will boost your mood, improve your mental functioning, and provide the foundation for a long, healthy life. And of course, having a healthy glow from exercise can make you look and feel more attractive.
4. Meditation: Part of healing from PISD is inner healing. This means getting in touch with and appreciating yourself and your relationship to the universe. Don’t underestimate how much peace and insight this practice can bestow.
5. Social Support: During the time your relationship was deteriorating, you may have isolated yourself from supportive friends and family. Take the time now to recultivate those ties to the people who are there for you.
6. Counseling: The trauma of relationship betrayal can seem all-consuming, and make you feel very alone. But you are certainly not alone. Professional counselors are very experienced in dealing with these crises, and can greatly ease and hasten your recovery process.
Infidelity trauma, otherwise known as “betrayal trauma,” affects the mind, body, and soul. In some cases, it can lead to an anxiety disorder called post-infidelity stress disorder, which has various symptoms that are similar to PTSD, such as flashbacks, anxiety, and helplessness.
If you are going through PISD, and having difficulty coping with the aftermath of infidelity, reach out for a free, 20-minute consultation today: https://somethingwildwellness.com/contact/.
