Parallel Parenting with a Narcissist

Co-parenting with a narcissist can be very difficult because narcissists have a tendency to manipulate and control those around them, including their co-parent. They may use their children as pawns to get what they want, play games with custody arrangements, or try to undermine the other parent’s authority or relationship with the children.

Parallel parenting, on the other hand, is a strategy that allows each parent to have a greater degree of autonomy in their parenting decisions and interactions with the children. With parallel parenting, each parent has their own set of rules, routines, and expectations for the children and is responsible for their own parenting decisions.

Parallel parenting can be effective for co-parenting with a narcissist because it reduces the amount of direct contact and conflict between the parents. Each parent is responsible for their own decisions, and communication is limited to essential information about the children. This helps to reduce the opportunities for the narcissist to manipulate or control the situation, and allows the other parent to focus on their own parenting without being undermined or second-guessed.

Here are some tips for parallel parenting with a narcissist:

1. Set clear boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your co-parent and stick to them. This can include things like limiting communication to email or a co-parenting app, setting specific times for exchanges, and avoiding contact outside of co-parenting issues.

2. Focus on the children: Keep the focus on the needs of the children and avoid engaging in power struggles or emotional arguments with your co-parent.

3. Use a neutral third-party: Consider using a neutral third-party, such as a mediator or parenting coordinator, to help facilitate communication and resolve conflicts.

4. Keep records: Keep detailed records of all communication and interactions with your co-parent, including emails, text messages, and any incidents that occur during exchanges.

5. Prioritize self-care: Take care of yourself and prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being. This can include seeking support from a therapist or support group and practicing self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, and spending time with supportive friends and family.

Remember, parallel parenting with a narcissist can be challenging, but it is important to have communication which prioritizes the needs of the children while minimizing conflict between co-parents.

If you’re in a difficult co-parenting/parallel parenting situation and need supportive counseling from someone who specializes in high conflict situations, contact our Boulder, Colorado office for a free 20-minute phone consultation.  We also offer telehealth throughout the state of Colorado if that’s more convenient. https://somethingwildwellness.com/contact/