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Dealing with difficult people, especially those with narcissistic traits, can be stressful and draining. If you find yourself struggling to communicate with a high conflict personality, it’s important to have a strategy to help you navigate the situation without sacrificing your well-being. This is where the BIFF method comes in.
What is the BIFF Method?
The BIFF method is a communication strategy developed by Bill Eddy, a lawyer, therapist, and mediator. BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. The method is designed to help individuals communicate effectively and assertively with difficult people, including those with narcissistic traits.
How Does the BIFF Method Work?
The BIFF approach involves four key elements:
- Brief: Keep your message short and to the point. Avoid getting into unnecessary details or engaging in long conversations that can escalate into arguments.
- Informative: Provide the necessary information without being overly emotional or critical. Stick to the facts and avoid using inflammatory language that can trigger an emotional response.
- Friendly: Use a friendly and non-confrontational tone to keep the conversation civil. Avoid using harsh or critical language that can escalate the situation.
- Firm: Be clear about your boundaries and expectations. Use a confident and assertive tone to set your limits and protect your well-being.
Why Is the BIFF Method Effective?
The BIFF method is effective because it helps individuals communicate their needs and expectations while avoiding unnecessary conflict and emotional turmoil. By keeping communication brief, informative, friendly, and firm, individuals can maintain their composure and ensure that their message is heard and understood. The method is especially useful when dealing with narcissists or other high conflict personalities who are easily triggered by criticism or perceived slights.
Examples of the BIFF Method in Action
Here are some examples of how to use the BIFF method when communicating with a narcissist:
Brief: “I cannot lend you money at this time.”
Informative: “The rent is due on the 1st of the month, and I need you to pay your portion on time.”
Friendly: “I appreciate your offer to help, but I need to handle this situation on my own.”
Firm: “I need you to stop calling and texting me at all hours of the day and night. I will only respond during normal business hours.”
If you’re dealing with a high conflict personality, using the BIFF method can help you communicate effectively and assertively while protecting your well-being. Remember to keep communication brief, informative, friendly, and firm to avoid unnecessary conflict and emotional turmoil.
If you need help navigating a difficult situation with a high conflict personality, contact our Boulder, Colorado office for a free 20-minute phone consultation. We also offer telehealth throughout the state of Colorado. https://somethingwildwellness.com/contact/
